How to Become More Outgoing and Stop Being Shy

Thursday, 19 November 2009

If you're thinking about how to become more outgoing then - Welcome! You are in the right place. Unlike other self confidence websites and blogs, I'm sharing my personal experience of building self confidence and how to stop being shy. I know what it's like to be shy, to wish I could be more outgoing, to feel scared of social situations and to be alive but not really living.

That was me 10 years ago, before I decided that I had better make the most of my life before it was too late and stop allowing a lack of confidence to make my decisions for me. I started working on building my self confidence and questioning my beliefs about myself and taking the limits off of what I could achieve. One of the main things I worked on was how to become more outgoing and I want to share with you how I did it.

It was the New Year in the year 2000. As usual, I had not planned to go out and celebrate - I told myself I'd prefer to be at home on my own. Christmas had been dull and I'd avoided all the festivities as I normally did by giving excuses for why I could not come to parties and Christmas drinks etc.

While I was at home that New Year's Eve an amazing thing happened - my TV stopped working! I know it doesn't sound that incredible but because I didn't have the TV to divert my attention, I started thinking. I could hear my neighbours enjoying their parties and I began wondering why I was allowing myself to miss out on all the fun and enjoyment that everyone else was experiencing.

Why was I hiding myself away?

I kept mulling this question over and over - I even had a piece of paper and a pen to write down the answer, but I couldn't think of one! Yes, I had a vague sense of anxiety about the thought of soicalizing and a feeling that I would be more vulnerable if I was out with lots of people, but the realization I had, was that it really was nothing that I couldn't overcome. I made a decision there and then that my New Year's resolutution was to go out more often. Specifically, to make sure that I arranged with my friends to go out at least once a fortnight. And I did!

What I found was that gradually I became less anxious about going out and started to really enjoy socializing. From going out once a fortnight, it gradually increased to once a week. My confidence improved and I found that my life had an added richness it hadn't had before.

I had more to talk about because I had been doing interesting things.
My work relationships and my family relationships improved.
My ability to talk to strangers went from strength to strength.
I learnt new social skills.
My communication skills improved.

And all of this because my TV packed up! So why not take a few minutes now to ask yourself these three questions:

"What's stopping me being more outgoing?"
"Can I make a commitment to go out more often?"
"How often am I comfortable going out each month/week?"

I can guarantee you that the more effort you make to go out, the easier it will become. And like me, that small step will lead to bigger steps.You'll find that gradually you are actually living and enjoying life! The question of how to be more outgoing and stop being shy becomes mute, because you are doing it!

Let me know how you get on with this and also if you have any questions, just leave a comment and I'll get right back to you.