Inflexibility and Over-flexibility are Signs of Low Confidence

Do you bend over backwards to do what other people want? Or maybe you find it hard to adjust decisions or personal rules once you've made them? The first is a sign that you are over flexible and probably have a lot invested in pleasing others (see the post on not being able to say no for more on this). The opposite of being inflexible can also be a sign of lack of confidence and low self esteem.

Inflexibility or rigidity comes about when we are overly worried about "doing something wrong". When we feel we've found a "right" way of doing things we stick with it and consequently everyone who does not follow the same logic as ours is "wrong".  We tend to see everything in terms of black and white and right and wrong. While this approach can give us a sense of security, so that we don't have to feel the pain of "messing up", it can also severely limit our enjoyment of life and our relationships.


Before we go onto look at what we can do about being overly rigid in our thinking and behaviour, let's have a look at how this mindset comes about. Oftentimes, those of us who are inflexible and rigid in the manner that I have described, have grown up in families who were overly critical and who also saw everything in black and white. When everything we do is criticised we experience deep feelings of rejection, ridicule, judgement and disapproval.

The solution we as children find to avoid these very painful feelings, is to try and make sure that we never make a mistake again. But what this solution does is create a very narrow and restrictive thinking pattern that often does not work very well in our adult world. We miss opportunities, we stay in old, familiar routines, we're scared to make changes and step out of our comfort zone, we don't take risks and we don't question our beliefs. We are not leaders - we are led.

I'm sure you can see that this way of living could be doing you a massive

disservice! Staying in rigid, inflexible patterns of behaviour means that you are probably not living to your potential. What hidden talents have you not yet found? What could you be doing with your life right now? How much more interesting and exciting could it be? If you want to live with passion and zest then you need to start working on improving your confidence and learning how to be more flexible.

With warmest wishes,

Simone