If you experience low confidence or a lack of self confidence most of the time, then you know what's it's like to feel that if only you could overcome your lack in confidence you could achieve so much more. Confidence is the centre pin for so much of what makes our lives successful or not. When we feel confident we can take bold steps such as:- Ask the Boss for a Raise
- Start Our Own Business
- Go Travelling
- Start Conversations
- Ask Someone We Like Out
- Make Our Thoughts and Feelings Known
- Be Assertive About What We Want and Don't Want
- Follow Our Dreams
What tends to happen in people who are shy or lack in confidence, is that they get stuck in the same old routines and find it hard to break out of them. To the non-confident person, Routine = Safety. We know where we are with routine - we know what time we're going to get up, the route we will use to get to work, what we will have for lunch, what tasks we will have to complete during the day (usually not very challenging ones!), whether we are going to buy groceries on the way home, what we will watch on TV, and what time we will be going to bed.
Routine can be useful, but it can also become very limiting and BORING! The day described above has no room for surprises - everything is mapped out from getting up to going to bed. We run through our routine on auto pilot and just get through the day.
No Surprise - No Challenge - Nothing New
Yes, it's safe and comfortable, but there's got to be more to life hasn't there? If you need a little boost to your confidence and want to start working towards the big stuff (like following your dreams) then take a little step everyday. Do something different! Go to work a new way, try a different type of food, book yourself onto a new class, speak to a stranger, get a new hairstyle, listen to music instead of watching TV. These may seem like very subtle changes, but they will make a difference and will help build up your confidence to the point where you feel you can make the big changes that you want in your life.
By pushing ourselves just a little to get out of our comfort zone and trying something new, we can build self confidence naturally. So instead of having on our resume, "confidence - lack of" we can change that to, "confidence - working on it!"
With very best wishes,
Simone
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Thank you for your blog entry. It hits the nail on the head.
ReplyDeleteSuffering from depression and low self-esteem for so long, it tends to ruin life by the years. It seems the more stress you put yourself under, feeling pressure to move out of that horrible comfort zone, the more excuses come forward poisoning your mind why NOT TO DO SOMETHING that would probably...and ultimately be good for you.
Trying something new would expand your horizons and show you that you are capable of so much more.
But wait, here it comes, there's that nasty negative self-talk that infests your mind before you have a chance to actually try something new.
If you get that sick clammy feeling, pepper taste in the back of your mouth, that feeling inside when facing some new challenge, and your negative inner talk convinces you to run before even giving something new a chance, then you are at rock bottom...I know. This is anxiety to the extreme.
What seems so easy for so many people who are used to taking risks, is a gigantic task for the person who has let self-poisoning thoughts control their mind for years.
As your article says, take small steps, it will be helpful in the long run.
From experience, I know that antidepressants are not the answer, they make a person feel "high" and "medicated" most of the time. And the other side-effects of antidepressants are even worse in many cases.
When is enough, enough? I suppose when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired to the n'th degree, then it will force some movement out of a dreadful comfort zone. Because if "dreadful and unfulfilled" describes your comfort zone, then it is ruining your life - a life of potential.
Anyone who has reached that "n'th" degree of being sick of yourself, will know what I'm talking about here, and how badly you have suffered for it all.
It's time to move forward, even in little steps: Trying and failing has got to be better then stuck and miserable.
Thanks again for your blog.